The following content may be offensive to self-righteous people; and puzzling to those not residing in Singapore, Johor Baru and Batam.

* The writer cannot guarantee that everyone will find it funny.

In the past few weeks, I have been quite afraid to eat in public places in Singapore, and when I actually did, I was always a little self-conscious.

Thanks of course must go to the fiasco about the returning of trays.

Honestly, I am extremely pissed off and embarrassed by the tirade and finger-pointing against my fellow Singaporeans. While I won’t argue that we are a gracious lot, I think this “sudden awakening” of our civic consciousness has gone too far.

To add not returning trays to another example of Singaporeans’ lack of social graces is to me stupid and unfair, not to mention that the accusation itself is ungracious.

Unless my memory has failed me, this debate started hotting up just a few months ago after it was reported that a campaign to get customers to return their trays at a food court in a busy shopping complex has failed.

Bearing in mind that this was an effort limited to one place (or at most, a few other places have also tried), how could it be concluded that we as a nation is fucked up?

As many people have pointed out, even if we wanted to, there aren’t always facilities for us to be gracious. I never thought the day would come when anyone could boast about his good upbringing just because he happens to clear his trash and tray, whenever it is possible.

Now, when I eat in public places, apart from looking for my favorite dishes, should it also be my duty to walk around a few times and see if there are facilities for me to act graciously?

And while I am scouting around, should I also be looking out for suspicious characters watching or taping my action or no-action?

What if I overlooked a tray return facility because it was blocked; leave my tray after eating; and have my discourteous act recorded; and then uploaded on YouTube?

Before the issue goes too far, the power-to-be really should think about what can be done first to encourage more Singaporeans (foreigners living in Singapore are exempted because according some people, they are all well-behaved) to do the right thing.

Maybe those in the position to encourage this should start visiting more food courts and see how many places actually allowed for “kindness” to take place.

Perhaps look at how the initiative can take off without talking down at us.

Explore how food court operators can be encouraged to adopt the return-your-fucking-trays policy.

Find out if there are any technological solutions to this, like coin-operated tray rental, similar to those on supermarket carts.

Lead by example, be gracious, stop saying others’ father was not very good or effective.

Get the message out, give it some time, if it doesn’t work, modify, try again, and give it some more time.

If persuasion doesn’t work, then maybe they can explore banning all Singaporean families from hiring foreign domestic helpers, because according to some coffee-shop talk, they are the ones responsible for our youngsters behaving like spoilt brats.

Maybe allow only families which have collected enough “I returned my own tray” certificates to eat in public.

Before some self-righteous individuals misunderstand me again (always happens, don’t know why), I am going to do my part (yes, without reward or force) in making Singapore a better place by taking things into my own hands, no pun intended.

For an unlimited time, or at least until all my fellow countrymen can wake up and behave like a nation deserving of hosting the F1, WTO, YOG, etc etc, I am offering a signed copy of my coffee-table book (** please see below for conditions) to any individual who sends me a picture of him returning tray in a public place.

** conditions:

- limited to one per household
- no posed picture
- no professional model/s can be used
- no digital manipulation apart from color-correction and dusting
- only those residing in Singapore are eligible
- those who have previously been recognized/praised for the same/similar act of kindness are ineligible
- of course I own all the copyright to the pictures you submitted la
- I reserve the rights to change the rules anytime I want, and I will